2012 (2009)

John Cusack outruns the end of the world in a stretch limo, and that might be the most believable thing 2012 does. Every escape happens by about one inch. The road splits right behind the car, the runway crumbles right behind the plane, and the planet keeps politely waiting for the Curtis family to clear the frame. At 158 minutes, the real disaster is the running time. Woody Harrelson is the bright spot, a wild-eyed radio host camped next to a supervolcano and loving every second. Chiwetel Ejiofor plays the only grown-up with a conscience, and Oliver Platt plays the guy who’d sell the last lifeboat seat. Roland Emmerich spent a reported $200 million knocking over landmarks and made $791.2 million worldwide doing it. The effects still look huge. The humans are basically furniture. A 4.4 because the destruction is a fun first hour and the rest is a long, loud wait for it to end. $288 says your phone buzzes on a table this week and, for half a second, you think it’s the big one.

What works: The first big destruction sequences are huge, goofy fun, and Woody Harrelson’s doomsday radio host is a total blast.

What doesn’t: At 158 minutes it’s way too long, the characters are flat, and every escape is so lucky it stops being exciting.

Who it’s for: People who want to watch famous landmarks fall over and don’t care much about anything else.