Armageddon (1998)

NASA’s plan is to teach oil drillers how to be astronauts instead of teaching astronauts how to drill, and nobody in the room raises a hand. That’s the vibe for 151 minutes. Michael Bay shoots every scene like a commercial for the planet Earth, with flags waving and slow-motion walks to nowhere, and the editing moves so fast you could miss an entire city getting flattened by blinking. Bruce Willis plays Harry like a dad who’s personally offended by a rock. Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler share an animal cracker scene that has to be seen to be believed. Steve Buscemi is doing his own unhinged movie in the corner. And yet. Somewhere in the last half hour, Bay pushes exactly the right buttons. It grossed $553.7 million worldwide on a reported $140M, so the buttons worked. A 4.7 because it’s two and a half hours of noise with one real emotional punch. $132 says you mock this movie for two straight hours and then get choked up anyway.

What works: Bay’s sheer scale, Steve Buscemi’s chaos and a last half hour that gets you despite yourself.

What doesn’t: It’s two and a half hours of shouting, flags and slow motion built on paper-thin logic.

Who it’s for: People who want a big, loud, earnest disaster movie and don’t plan on fact-checking it.