Battleship (2012)

Battleship has exactly one scene that feels like the board game: the Navy firing blind at a grid of coordinates, waiting to hear a hit. The rest of its 131 minutes is noise. Taylor Kitsch’s Alex is introduced breaking into a convenience store to get a chicken burrito for a girl, and that’s supposed to be the charming part. The aliens wear chunky armor, hate sunlight, and still lose to a lieutenant who almost got kicked out of the Navy. Liam Neeson’s admiral mostly glares from a distance. Rihanna is fine, with nothing to play. Peter Berg points the camera at ships, explosions and flags, often at once. The one real heart is a group of older Navy veterans who show up late and bring more charm than the whole plot. It made $303 million worldwide on a reported $209M to $220M, and it holds a 33% on Rotten Tomatoes. A 2.8 because the game had more strategy. $356 says you spot a chicken burrito in a gas station hot case this week and give it a little salute.

What works: The grid-targeting scene is clever, and the older veterans give the finale a burst of real heart.

What doesn’t: The script is paper thin, the aliens are forgettable, and Taylor Kitsch is asked to carry a movie with no character to play.

Who it’s for: People who want two hours of explosions and don’t plan to remember any of it.