Eternals (2021)

Eternals is a 156-minute team meeting where ten immortals catch up on seven thousand years of drama and nobody remembered to bring a plot. Everything looks like it was filmed during golden hour, which makes it the prettiest Marvel movie and somehow also the sleepiest. Gemma Chan gets stuck as the lead with almost nothing to play but concern. Kumail Nanjiani’s Bollywood dance number is the one moment the movie remembers fun is allowed. Barry Keoghan and Brian Tyree Henry deserve a whole other movie each. The Deviants look like spaghetti somebody animated as a screensaver. Every flashback stops the story cold to explain a rule, then another flashback shows up to explain that one. It made $402.1 million worldwide on a reported $236.2 million budget and pulled a 48% on Rotten Tomatoes. A 4.1 because gorgeous light can’t save a story that keeps pausing to read you its own instruction manual. $4,481 says you can’t name four of the Eternals by tomorrow morning.

What works: It looks beautiful, Kumail Nanjiani’s dance number is a blast, and Brian Tyree Henry gives the one performance with real warmth.

What doesn’t: Ten heroes and endless flashbacks leave no room for anyone to feel like a person, and the Deviants are some of the dullest monsters Marvel has made.

Who it’s for: Marvel completists who need to see every chapter, and anyone who likes superheroes better when they’re mostly talking.