Madame Web (2024)

Name another superhero movie where the hero’s main power is driving. Madame Web hands her a stolen cab, then an ambulance. Dakota Johnson plays Cassie Webb, a New York paramedic in 2003 who nearly drowns on a call and comes back seeing what happens next. Those visions lead her to three teenagers, played by Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced and Celeste O’Connor, who are being hunted by Tahar Rahim’s Ezekiel, a man convinced the girls will take him down someday. The dialogue is all explanation, the fights have no pulse, and Rahim’s lines sound noticeably dubbed. Johnson mostly looks detached from the nonsense around her, and it’s hard to blame her. The 2003 setting mainly seems to exist so the movie can sell you a soda. Critics gave it 10% on Rotten Tomatoes, and it made $100.5 million worldwide on a reported $80M. A 2.4 because it’s a superhero movie that keeps forgetting to have a superhero. $23.31 says you put it on as a joke with friends and somebody falls asleep before the fireworks factory.

What works: Isabela Merced and Celeste O’Connor bring some spark, and the movie is unintentionally funny enough to work as a group watch.

What doesn’t: Clunky dialogue, flat fights and obvious product placement sink it, and the three future heroes barely get to be heroes at all.

Who it’s for: Friends planning a so-bad-it’s-fun movie night who will happily talk over the whole thing.