Red (2010)

Airport mints have more surprises than the conspiracy plot in Red. A vice president, some buried secrets, a defense contractor with a smirk: you’ve seen all of it, and the middle drags. What you haven’t seen is this retirement home of a cast. John Malkovich plays a paranoid ex-agent who carries a stuffed pig everywhere, and he’s funnier than he’s been in years. Helen Mirren handles a giant gun with the posture of a duchess pouring tea. Morgan Freeman twinkles, Brian Cox flirts in a heavy Russian accent, and Ernest Borgnine pops up in a basement records room like a bonus feature. Bruce Willis stepping calmly out of a spinning car is a great action image. Mary-Louise Parker is a delight as a thrilled civilian, until the movie turns her into a passenger. It made $199 million worldwide. A 5.9 because the cast is a gift and the story is just the box it came in. $1,599 says you call a customer service line this week and stay on a little longer than you need to.

What works: The veteran cast, especially Malkovich and Mirren, plays the silliness with total style.

What doesn’t: The conspiracy plot is generic and slow, and Mary-Louise Parker gets sidelined once the action takes over.

Who it’s for: Anyone who wants to watch legendary actors have fun blowing things up instead of collecting awards.