Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones (2002)

Imagine a love story where the most romantic line is a complaint about sand. Anakin and Padmé roll through meadows and fireplaces trading dialogue that sounds like it was translated twice, and the green screen is so everywhere you can almost smell the studio. The 142 minutes feel endless whenever they’re alone together. The good half is Obi-Wan. Ewan McGregor turns into a space detective, chasing a bounty hunter to a rain planet and brawling with Jango Fett in a storm, and that whole side plot is great. Christopher Lee brings real class as Count Dooku, and Yoda finally picking up a lightsaber made whole theaters lose it. Samuel L. Jackson gets a purple one, which feels right. The arena battle at the end is a toy commercial, but a fun one. A 4.3 because every scene with Obi-Wan is a 7 and every scene on Naboo drags it right back down. $287 says you try the sand line on someone at the beach this summer and they don’t laugh.

What works: Obi-Wan’s detective plot, the Jango Fett fight in the rain and Christopher Lee’s Count Dooku are genuinely fun.

What doesn’t: The central romance is wooden and awkward, and the wall-to-wall green screen makes huge stretches feel fake and weightless.

Who it’s for: Prequel defenders, kids who love clone troopers, and anyone who has waited their whole life to see Yoda fight.