Poster © Universal Pictures. Shown at reduced size for review and commentary.
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GenreComedy
RatedR
Runtime1 hr 46 mins
ReleasedJune 29, 2012
StreamingSee Where to Watch
DirectorSeth MacFarlane
StarringMark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Seth MacFarlane
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| iIMDb Profile | %Rotten Tomatoes |
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| TTMDB | +Add to Top 8 |
| Ted's Details | |
| Genre | Comedy |
| Rated | R |
| Released | 06/21/2012 (Grauman's Chinese Theatre); 06/29/2012 (United States) |
| Streaming | See Where to Watch on this page. |
| Running Time | 1 hr 46 mins |
| Budget | Not reported |
| Box Office | Updated daily from Box Office Mojo. See the numbers below. |
| Country | United States |
| Language | English |
| Ted's Interests | |
| General | Thunderstorms, Flash Gordon, Boston accents, grocery store jobs, wishes that work way too well. |
| Music | Walter Murphy. Yes, the "A Fifth of Beethoven" guy, going full old-Hollywood orchestra. |
| Movies | Flash Gordon (1980). The sacred text. |
| Television | Family Guy. Same voice, different family. |
| Heroes | Sam J. Jones. The actual Flash Gordon, playing himself. |
| Ted's Crew | |
| Director | Seth MacFarlane |
| Writers | Seth MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, Wellesley Wild, Seth MacFarlane (story) |
| Producers | Scott Stuber, Seth MacFarlane, John Jacobs, Jason Clark |
| Cinematography | Michael Barrett |
| Music | Walter Murphy |
| Edited By | Jeff Freeman |
| Production | Media Rights Capital, Fuzzy Door Productions, Bluegrass Films, Smart Entertainment |
| Distributed By | Universal Pictures |
Take the talking bear out of Ted and you’ve got the most standard comedy of 2012: a guy who won’t grow up, a girlfriend who’s done waiting, a big apology in the third act. The bear is doing all the lifting. Seth MacFarlane voices Ted like a Boston uncle who never got off the couch, and the first time a cute stuffed animal says something rude it’s genuinely funny. By the second act, less so. Mark Wahlberg is great at playing a lovable lunk, Mila Kunis does what she can with a role that’s mostly sighing, and the Flash Gordon obsession is so specific it loops back around to charming. Then the movie hands its last stretch to Giovanni Ribisi as a creepy superfan and a chase that drags. It made $549.4 million worldwide on a reported $50 million budget, so the bear clearly had fans. A 5.8 because the gimmick wins and the movie around it loses. $723 says you look at an old stuffed animal tonight and feel a little suspicious of it.
What works: Seth MacFarlane’s voice work makes Ted a believable, rowdy roommate, and the Flash Gordon obsession is weirdly sweet.
What doesn’t: Strip out the bear and it’s a by-the-numbers romcom, and the third-act chase with a creepy fan drags.
Who it’s for: Fans of Seth MacFarlane’s brand of humor, and anyone who still has the teddy bear from when they were a kid.
Donny kidnaps Ted for his son, and Ted gets torn in half during a chase at Fenway Park. Lori makes her own wish that night, Ted comes back good as new, and John and Lori finally get married.
In 1985, lonely eight-year-old John Bennett wishes his new teddy bear could talk, and the wish actually works. The bear, Ted, becomes a celebrity for about five minutes. Fast forward to 2012: grown-up John (Mark Wahlberg) still lives in Boston with Ted (voiced by Seth MacFarlane), who has turned into a foul-mouthed couch potato, and John's girlfriend Lori (Mila Kunis) is running out of patience. She wants a grown man. He wants to watch Flash Gordon with his bear. MacFarlane directs too. One hundred six minutes, one roommate who will not move out.
Anyone scared of thunderstorms. He knows a song for that.
| Mark Wahlberg | John Bennett |
| Seth MacFarlane | Ted |
| Mila Kunis | Lori Collins |
| Joel McHale | Rex |
| Giovanni Ribisi | Donny |
| Aedin Mincks | Robert |
| Patrick Warburton | Guy |
| Laura Vandervoort | Tanya |
| Matt Walsh | Thomas Murphy |
| Jessica Barth | Tami-Lynn McCafferty |
| Bill Smitrovich | Frank Stevens |
| Alex Borstein | Helen Bennett |
| Ralph Garman | Steve Bennett |
| Jessica Stroup | Tracy |
| Ginger Gonzaga | Gina |
| Sam J. Jones | himself |
| Ryan Reynolds (uncredited) | Jared |
| Norah Jones | herself |
| Tom Skerritt | himself |
| Mike Henry | a Southern newscaster |
| Robert Wu | Quan Ming / Ming the Merciless |
| Ted Danson (uncredited) | himself |
| Patrick Stewart | the Narrator |
| Shawn Thornton | the enraged audience member |