Troy (2004)

Taking the gods out of the Trojan War is like making a Star Wars movie with no Force, and that’s exactly what Troy does. What’s left is 163 minutes of bronze armor, beach landings and very serious men staring at the sea. Orlando Bloom’s Paris starts a whole war over Helen and then spends it looking like he’d rather be anywhere else, which sinks the romance before it starts. The middle drags with war councils. But Eric Bana’s Hector is the movie’s beating heart, a decent man defending a city that keeps making his life harder, and his duel with Brad Pitt’s Achilles is the best scene by a mile. Pitt plays Achilles like a rock star who hates the tour. Brian Cox chews every bit of scenery as Agamemnon. 652,027 IMDb ratings average a 7.3, so plenty of people like it more than I do. A 5.2 because one great fight and one great Hector can’t hold up almost three hours of shields. $57.03 says you look up the Iliad halfway through just to see who makes it.

What works: Eric Bana’s noble Hector and the one-on-one duel with Achilles, which is the best thing in the movie by far.

What doesn’t: The romance at the center never convinces, and the long war-council stretches make 163 minutes feel even longer.

Who it’s for: Sword-and-sandal fans who want big armies and one great duel, and students who’d rather not read the Iliad.