X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

One-line review: the claws look like they were rendered on a flip phone. Now the long version. Hugh Jackman clearly cares, he’s trying so hard you feel bad for him, but the script treats his whole backstory like a checklist. Wars, check. Brother, check. Sad cabin romance, check. Painful metal bath, check. Liev Schreiber is legit menacing as Victor, and the war montage that opens the movie is the best part, which is a problem when it’s over almost immediately. Ryan Reynolds gets one fun scene as Wade Wilson, then the movie does something to that character that fans still bring up like a grudge. will.i.am is also here, playing a teleporter, and that’s the most fun fact about the whole thing. Critics gave it 37% on Rotten Tomatoes, and I’m not arguing. A 3.4 because a character this good deserved better than a rushed, effects-heavy mess that shrugs through 107 minutes. $28.16 says you mention this movie to a Deadpool fan and get a free rant that lasts longer than the movie.

What works: Hugh Jackman’s commitment, Liev Schreiber’s snarling Victor, and an opening war montage that’s better than everything after it.

What doesn’t: The effects are rough, the script rushes through every big moment, and it wastes Wade Wilson so badly fans still complain.

Who it’s for: Wolverine completists, and anyone who wants to understand the jokes Deadpool keeps making at this movie’s expense.