8 Beloved Movies I Just Can't Love

A big movie.guru score, a much lower Guru's Take. Eight beloved movies I've honestly tried to love, with receipts for why it isn't happening.

Number one is the most-voted movie here, and its fans run fast.

1. 8
   Ready Player One (2018)6.8

   A nostalgia movie that forgot to make its own memories.

   The movie.guru score is 6.8. My Guru's Take is 5.2. Steven Spielberg packs 140 minutes with other people's characters, and the opening race is the only part I'd rewatch.
2. 7
   Cars (2006)7.6

   Paul Newman is great. The rest is a toy aisle.

   $482.4 million worldwide and a 7.7 movie.guru score. My Guru's Take is 6.0. Lightning McQueen learns humility for 116 minutes, and the lesson gets explained to him over and over.
3. 6
   Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)7.4

   Every scene is busy setting up some other movie.

   $1.41 billion worldwide on a reported $444 to $495.2 million budget. A 7.5 movie.guru score, a 5.8 Guru's Take. James Spader's Ultron is fun, then the trailer for the next movie starts.
4. 5
   Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)8.3

   Gorgeous, fast, and leaning way too hard on older Trek.

   A movie.guru score of 8.3 and my Guru's Take of 5.7, the biggest gap here. Benedict Cumberbatch's villain deserved a script as sharp as his voice, and the last act runs on recycled nostalgia.
5. 4
   Crash (2004)7.5

   Every character in Los Angeles bumps into a lesson.

   A 7.5 movie.guru score, my Guru's Take 5.4. Don Cheadle and Matt Dillon give it real weight, but the coincidences pile up until the message drowns out the people.
6. 3
   The Imitation Game (2014)8.7

   A fascinating man, squeezed into a very safe movie.

   A movie.guru score of 8.8, my Guru's Take 7.2. Benedict Cumberbatch is excellent, but the script squeezes a complicated, persecuted man into a formula of ticking clocks and big speeches.
7. 2
   Green Book (2018)8.2

   Don Shirley deserved to be the lead of his own story.

   Audiences rank it above 97% of notable movies, critics 67%. Mahershala Ali is extraordinary, but the film keeps handing the story to the driver, and Shirley stays a stranger in his own movie.
8. 1
   Forrest Gump (1994)8.9

   Forrest Gump is a feel-good montage that runs 142 minutes.

   8.8 on IMDb from 2.55 million votes, the most-voted movie here. My Guru's Take is 7.3. Tom Hanks commits completely, but the soundtrack does most of the emotional work, and the movie lets it.

$434.63 says you put number one on tonight out of spite and cry anyway.

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Current mood: ready to fight about it