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The 8 Worst Billion-Dollar Movies

Posted by movie guru

By the Numbers

Crossing a billion dollars takes a lot of explosions. Getting a good score takes a script. These eight skipped the script.

Number one made $1.11 billion and scored a 3.0. Both of those are real.

  1. 8Aquaman poster
    Aquaman (2018)5.6
    Looks like a lava lamp, plays like a lore wiki.
    $1.15 billion worldwide and a 5.7 movie.guru score, dead average. Momoa grins through 143 minutes of neon sea creatures while everyone else recites Atlantis history at him.
  2. 7Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace poster
    Natalie Portman's costumes got more effort than the dialogue.
    $1.05 billion worldwide and a 5.2 movie.guru score. 136 minutes, and way too many of them are hologram meetings.
  3. 6Alice in Wonderland poster
    The Red Queen's giant head is the only joke that works.
    $1.03 billion worldwide on a reported $200 million budget. 108 minutes of Johnny Depp in orange hair, and audiences only rank it above 52% of notable movies.
  4. 5Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom poster
    The dinosaurs left the park, and so did the fun.
    $1.31 billion worldwide and a 4.6 movie.guru score, below average. Jeff Goldblum shows up, says something ominous, and leaves. Honestly, same.
  5. 4Transformers: Dark of the Moon poster
    Michael Bay leveled Chicago and it's still boring.
    Critics rank it above 20% of notable movies. Audiences gave it an A CinemaScore anyway and paid $1.12 billion worldwide for 154 minutes of robots and rubble.
  6. 3Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides poster
    Ian McShane deserved a better ship and a better script.
    A reported $410.6 million budget, $1.05 billion worldwide, and a 4.1 movie.guru score. Penélope Cruz and Johnny Depp spend 137 minutes trading quips that never land.
  7. 2Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker poster
    A $1.08 billion movie that feels like a group project.
    A 3.8 movie.guru score, and audiences rank it above just 23% of notable movies. Adam Driver is great. Almost nothing around him holds together for 141 minutes.
  8. 1Transformers: Age of Extinction poster
    Robot dinosaurs, and it still found a way to be boring.
    A 3.0 movie.guru score, and critics rank it above just 8% of notable movies. It made $1.11 billion anyway. 165 minutes, the longest here, and every one of them is loud.
Change my mind. Which one did you see twice in theaters? Own it.

$87.61 says you saw number one in 3D and still can't name a single robot from it.

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Current mood: ready to fight about it