8 Giant Family Hits Nobody Can Explain. Who Bought All Those Tickets?

Eight family movies that grossed like legends and scored like leftovers. Real numbers, real tickets, zero explanation. Somebody bought all of these. Probably you.

Number one made a billion dollars, and you probably sang along.

1. 8
   Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (2009)3.0

   The sequel nobody asked for made $413 million anyway.

   A 3.0 movie.guru score, the lowest on this list, and $413.1 million worldwide. Owen Wilson as a tiny cowboy cannot carry that much money alone.
2. 7
   Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018)4.3

   A wizard spinoff that forgot to pack a story.

   36% on Rotten Tomatoes, a 4.3 movie.guru score, and $655.8 million worldwide. The Harry Potter name did the heavy lifting while the plot hid in a suitcase.
3. 6
   Hook (1991)5.6

   Spielberg's messiest movie, and a generation still defends it.

   37% on Rotten Tomatoes versus a 6.8 on IMDb. It made $300.9 million worldwide on a reported $70M budget, mostly on Robin Williams being Robin Williams.
4. 5
   Night at the Museum (2006)4.9

   Great premise, half a movie, $574 million.

   A 4.9 movie.guru score and 42% on Rotten Tomatoes. It still turned a reported $110M budget into $574.5 million worldwide. Box office isn't profit, but that's a lot of field trips.
5. 4
   How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)4.3

   Jim Carrey is incredible. The movie around him is not.

   Critics gave it 50% on Rotten Tomatoes, it holds a 4.3 movie.guru score, and it made $264.7 million domestic. Every December, somebody rewatches it out of pure habit.
6. 3
   Maleficent (2014)6.1

   Angelina Jolie is the whole movie. The rest is CGI fog.

   54% on Rotten Tomatoes, 56 on Metacritic, $759.9 million worldwide. The reported budget runs $180 to $263M, so even the accountants couldn't agree on what happened.
7. 2
   Alice in Wonderland (2010)4.8

   A billion dollars for the least whimsical Wonderland ever made.

   $1.025 billion worldwide with a 4.8 movie.guru score, officially Below Average. Tim Burton made Wonderland look like a gloomy screensaver, and the world paid up anyway.
8. 1
   Aladdin (2019)6.8

   Aladdin is a karaoke cover that made a billion dollars.

   $1.054 billion worldwide, 57% on Rotten Tomatoes, 53 on Metacritic. Audiences still handed it an A CinemaScore. My Guru's Take is 5.4. Will Smith tried. The animated one exists.

$517 says you've seen at least five of these in theaters and still claim you only went for the kids.

Share it: X | Facebook | Copy link

Current mood: ready to fight about it