8 Box Office Monsters Nobody Can Explain

Every movie here grossed a fortune worldwide and scored somewhere between fine and oof on movie.guru. I have questions. The box office has none.

Number one has the loudest defenders online and the weakest case.

1. 8
   Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017)6.2

   Okay, this one I can explain. Jack Black.

   $962.5 million worldwide on a $90 million budget. The plot is one long tutorial level, but Jack Black playing a selfie-obsessed teenager is legit inspired.
2. 7
   Aladdin (2019)6.2

   A very expensive karaoke cover of the cartoon.

   $1.05 billion worldwide on a $183 million budget, and critics rank it above just 37% of notable movies. Will Smith's blue genie is fine. The cartoon was funnier and shorter.
3. 6
   Alice in Wonderland (2010)4.7

   Peak Tim Burton weirdness, and somehow Wonderland ends up boring.

   $1.03 billion worldwide on a $200 million budget, but critics rank it above only 36% of notable movies. Wonderland should be weird. This one is mostly gray and loud.
4. 5
   Aquaman (2018)5.6

   Underwater space opera with the subtlety of a cannonball.

   $1.15 billion worldwide on a $160 to $200 million budget. Every frame glows like a dentist's office fish tank, and the trident fights eat most of 143 minutes.
5. 4
   Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)4.3

   The budget range is wilder than anything on screen.

   $1.31 billion worldwide on a reported budget of $170 to $465 million, depending on who you ask. Chris Pratt's lava roll comes early, and nothing after it comes close.
6. 3
   Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)2.9

   Lowest score on this list. Still cleared a billion dollars.

   Critics rank it above just 8% of notable movies, and it runs 165 minutes, mostly slow-motion sunsets and product placement, some of it on fire.
7. 2
   Jurassic World (2015)6.6

   The biggest gross here, from the thinnest characters.

   $1.67 billion worldwide, the biggest on this list. The park looks amazing, the people get one personality trait each, and Bryce Dallas Howard does the whole jungle in heels.
8. 1
   Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (1999)5.0

   Darth Vader's origin story features a kid yelling yippee.

   $1.05 billion worldwide and 941,231 IMDb votes, the most on this list. Guru's Take is a 4.9, and Liam Neeson spends 136 minutes waiting for a better script.

$447.03 says you've defended one of these at a family dinner using only its box office.

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Current mood: ready to fight about it